Official joke of the day thread

[mrvette]

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"

Confused, the bartender says no.

"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

 

[mrvette]

What's the difference between a women's 'G' spot and a golf ball? A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

 

[mrvette]

On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, I was just eating ice cream."

 

[mrvette]

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

 

[mrvette]

A woman is talking to her husband. She asks: "If I died, would you meet someone else?"

He replies: "I don't see why not."

She says: "Would she sleep in our bed?"

"Probably, yes," he answers.

His wife asks: "Would you play golf with her?"

He replies: "Yes, I think so."

"And would she use my clubs?"

Her husband replies: "No, she's left-handed."

 

[mrvette]

Q: What is the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?

A: A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

 

[mrvette]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench
rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in
astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

 

[mrvette]

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to
be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The
conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their
sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their
men by engaging in some S&M role playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at
the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a
leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of
it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and
stiletto heels.. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love
on his desk right then and there!'
The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story!
When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in
a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was
so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move
up our wedding date!
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of
planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at
Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best
perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter
belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off
with a black mask, ready for action. When my husband got home from
work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled "Hey,
Batman, what's for dinner?"

 

[mrvette]

In parochial school, students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you my dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they go to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to this date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"

 

[mrvette]

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle in different areas of town.
Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects $2 to $3 dollars every day.
Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do. How do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?"
Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"
Carlos' sign reads, "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.."
Jose says, "No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars."
Carlos says, "So what does your sign say?"
Jose shows Carlos his sign. It reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico ."

 

[BangkokDean]

Huge Advantage . . . if you are a Muslim

When you change your wife, you can still keep the same photo on your office desk.

 

[BangkokDean]

Second Opinion!

The doctor said, 'Jerry the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad
news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your
spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to
relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Jerry was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital,
he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like
he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street,
he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new
beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store & thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'


He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, 'Let's see.. size 44 long.'

Jerry laughed,
'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!'
the tailor said.

Jerry tried on the suit and it fit perfectly.

As Jerry admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,
'How about a new shirt?'

Jerry thought for a moment
and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Jerry and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

Jerry was surprised,
'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years.'

Jerry tried on the shirt
and it fit perfectly.

Jerry walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
'How about some new underwear?'

Jerry thought for a moment
and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36.

Jerry laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years
old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell
of a headache.'





New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS

 

[mrvette]

everyday at 4:00 a group from a construction site drink beer at a watering hole across the street.
every day.
for a few years.
each day they ask the Muslim bartender to "pour us some beers *******"...

finally, after many years the bartender says "listen fellas...I like you and appreciate the business, but I'd like you to know what it feels like to be called names"..."one of you get behind the bar and I show you"

one gruff redneck good 'ole boy does.

The Muslim man says "hey redneck-cracker-whiteass ******...pour me a beer"

the construction worker, now temp bar tender says:

"Sorry man...we don't serve Ragheads"

 

[mrvette]

http://www.thevettebarn.com/forums/off-topic/70798-anybody-have-any-good-jokes.html



:nuts::bump:

 

[BangkokDean]

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in:
She said: Cheque books.


The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.


Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.


Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.


Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!


Q: What's the difference between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.


Q: Singh enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
A: Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

What's the difference between a good secretary and a personal secretary?
One says "Good morning, boss".
The other says "It's morning, boss."

 

[JPhil]

How to impress girls

Wish I would have known this before.....

http://askthepast.blogspot.com/2013/06/how-to-impress-girls-at-dance-1530.html

 

[BBShark]

It was entertainment night at the senior center, and the amazing Claude was topping the bill.

People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced that unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, he intended to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

I want each one of you to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch, it 's been in my family for six generations.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...

The crowd was mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor breaking into a hundred pieces...

'****!' said the hypnotist...

It took three days to clean up the senior center

 

[BangkokDean]

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you are over sixty-five who gives a sh*t............
***********


This a**hole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out.

When you are over sixty-five who gives a sh*t?
***********


I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over sixty-five who gives a sh*t?
***********


I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her ****s.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."

When you are over sixty-five who gives a sh*t?
***********


I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over sixty-five who gives a sh*t?
***********


I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

When you are over sixty-five who gives a sh*t?
****************

 

[BangkokDean]

Levels Of Stress

You pick up a hitchhiker... A beautiful girl.
Suddenly she faints inside your car and you take her to the hospital.
Now that's stressful.

But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and
congratulate you that you're going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.
This is getting very stressful!

You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.

After the tests are completed,
The doctor says the test shows you're infertile,
And probably have been since birth.
You're extremely stressed but relieved.

On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home.

Now that is STRESS.......:suicide:

 

[BangkokDean]

 

[BangkokDean]

he Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and
Walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to
a U.S. Marine General.

As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I
Have seen in America ."

The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?"

The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in
It there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is
Scottish, Uhura who is black, And Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO
Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any
Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrian or
Pakistanis on 'Star Trek'.



"The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future..."

 

[BangkokDean]

Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
1.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
2.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3.
It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1.
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'
3.
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4.
Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
WEDDINGS
1.
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5.
It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
2.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
3.
When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
4.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
5.
Do not lay (burn) rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1.
All the DNA is the same.
2.
There are no dental records,

 

[BangkokDean]

True "Car Guy"

 

[mrvette]

Nancy.....

http://safeshare.tv/w/zJMqpUHAel


:thumbs::smash::lol:

 

[mrvette]

Where the term "Aviators" came from - recently found diary of Genghis Khan





(Aviators come from a secret society formed around a thousand years ago. They are warriors and below is the proof.)



A little known fact is the origin of the word "aviator." In the immortal words of Johnny Carson, "I did not know that."



Phu Khen (pronounced Foo Ken), 1169- is considered by some to be the most under-recognized military officer in history. Many have never heard of his contributions to modern military warfare. The mission of this secret society is to bring honor to the name of Phu Khen.

A Khen was a subordinate to a Khan in the military structure of the Mongol hordes. Khan is Turkish for leader. Most know of the great Genghis Khan, but little has been written of his chain of command.



Khen is also of Turkish origin, although there is not a word in English that adequately conveys the meaning. Roughly translated, it means "One who will do the impossible while appearing unprepared and complaining constantly." Phu Khen was one of ten Khens that headed the divisions, or groups of hordes as they were known, of the Mongol Army serving under Genghis Khan. His abilities came to light during the Mongols' raids on the Turkistan city of Bohicaroo.



Bohicans were fierce warriors and the city was well fortified. The entire city was protected by huge walls and the hordes were at a standoff with theBohicans. Bohicaroo was well stocked and it would have been difficult to wait them out. Genghis Khan assembled his Khens and ordered each of them to develop a plan for penetrating the defenses of Bohicaroo.



Operation Achieve Victory, "AV", was born. All 10 divisions of Khens submitted their plan. After reviewing AV plans 1 through 7 and finding them unworkable or ridiculous, Genghis Khan was understandably upset.



It was with much perspiration that Phu Khen submitted his idea, which came to be known as AV 8. Upon seeing AV 8, Genghis was convinced this was the perfect plan and gave immediate approval. The plan was beautifully simple. Phu Khen would arm his hordes to the teeth, load them into catapults and hurl them over the wall. The losses were expected to be high, but hey, hordes were cheap. Those that survived the flight would engage the enemy in combat. Those that did not? Well, surely their flailing bodies would cause some damage.



The plan worked and the Bohicans were defeated. Only one of the Bohicans was left standing. He would become known as "The Last of The Bohicans." From that day on, whenever the Mongol Army encountered an insurmountable enemy, Genghis Khan would give the order "Send some of the Phu Khen AV 8ers."



This is believed, though not by anyone outside our secret society, to be the true origin of the word Aviator.



Phu Khen's AV8ers were understandably an unruly mob, not likely to be sociably acceptable. Many were heavy drinkers and insomniacs. However, when nothing else would do, you could always count on an AV8er. A Phu Khen Aviator. Denied, perhaps rightfully so, his place in history, Phu Khen has been, nonetheless, immortalized in prose.



You hear mystical references, often hushed whispers, of "those Phu Khen Aviators." Do not let these things bother you. As with any secret society, we go largely misunderstood, prohibited by our apathy from explaining ourselves.



You are expected to always live down to the reputation of the Phu Khen Aviator, a reputation cultivated for centuries, undaunted by scorn or ridicule, unhindered by progress. So drink up, be crude, sleep late, urinate in public and get the job done.



When others are offended, you can revel in the knowledge that YOU are a PHU KHEN AVIATOR.





Ron Cole

 

[BangkokDean]

Nuns ran an orphanage for girls in a rural part of Georgia.
One day, the Mother Superior called in three teenage girls who were
about to leave and seek their way in life. "You have led a very sheltered life
and you are going into an extremely sinful world," she said. "I must warn you
that men will take advantage of you. They'll do anything to get their way.
They'll take you to restaurants, buy you drinks and dinner, then back to their
apartments and motels where they'll undress you, do terrible things, give you
twenty or thirty dollars, and kick you out." "Excuse me, Mother," One of the
girls asked. "You mean men will take advantage of us and give us CASH?"
"Yes child, why do you ask?"
"Because the priests only give us candy!"

 

[mrvette]

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down, and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up,and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling
The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm on disability."

 

[BangkokDean]

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry, too.

I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.
On seeing he was still alive, I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died." The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot.

I fell, but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you."

"I don't know" replies the man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding in this cedar chest....."

 

[BangkokDean]

Life

This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I have heard in recent times:

"Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free . . .
it's women who make it hard."

 

[BangkokDean]

The Dark Side Of Women

A woman was in town on a shopping trip.
She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second.
In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.
She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take!
For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care.
And YOU will now be his carer!
The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg...He's dead. Show me what you bought.