Official joke of the day thread

[mrvette]

A redneck is walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollars," she whispers.

Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide and get busy in the bushes.

They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes upon them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.

"I'm making love to my wife!" Bubba answers, sounding quite annoyed.

"Oh, I'm sorry" says the cop, "I didn't know."

Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, until you shined that light on her face!"

 

[DJ Dep]

A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside."Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Obama re-elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids."

HA! EXCELLENT!!!! :rofl:

 

[mrvette]

This one tells it all....


Fixed income


> Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma , Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents."
> They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
>
>
> The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
>
>
> There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.
> In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please.."
>
>
> The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
>
>
> Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying,"That's 40 cents, please."
> They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
> Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"
>
>
> "I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same."
>
>
> "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
> As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
> Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"
>
>
> The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida . They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price..."





:smash::thumbs:

 

[BBShark]

Financial Planning
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away."I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her,
"But in just a few years my father will die and I will inherit $200 million".
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

…… Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

 

[big2bird]

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blond problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

Again, the blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blond with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blond girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

 

[vette]

Husband asks: "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

Wife says: "I'd take half and leave you!"

Husband replies: "Excellent...., I won $12.00. Here's your $6.00, now get the hell out!!!"

 

[Beagle 1]

Not sure if this is the right place for this, but it is kind of weird and funny.
So, my ******* neighbor comes over and is pounding on my front door at 1:30 in the morning.
REALLY, 1:30 am. WTF!!
I mean, the nerve of this guy!!









Good thing I was playing my drums real loud and I could pretend that I didn't hear him knocking.

 

[big2bird]

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing right.

 

[mrvette]

Old one but still good.....

One day a man decided to retire...



He booked himself on a Caribbean
cruise and proceeded to have the
time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.


He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.



After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you
come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to
have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman."I made
the boat out of some raw material I found
on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a
Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman.
"On the south side of the island, a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.
I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that
to make tools and used the tools to
make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon
docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man
looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a
cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the row boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed.
"I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh it's not coconut juice," winks the woman.
"I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"



Trying to hide his continued amazement,
the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,
"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing
but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of
gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down
next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months.
You must have been lonely. When was the
last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
"You've built a Golf Course?"

 

[mrvette]

Secret Service Issued New Rules Of Conduct For Agents Friday
They can no longer get drunk, procure hookers, or go to strip bars.

The rules say that from now on, if agents feel compelled to engage
in such behavior, they can run for public office like everyone else.:devil:

 

[Bullshark]

A Blonde In Church

A Blonde In Church

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."



The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

 

[BBShark]

Two buddies, Fred and Jerry, were getting very drunk at a bar when
suddenly Jerry throws up all over himself.
'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'

Fred says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast
pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you
twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.'
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Jerry stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God,
you're disgusting!'

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Jerry says,
Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only
had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me...he had one
too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said he's was berry
sorry an' gave me twenties bucks for the cleaning bill!'

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks...'

'Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.'

 

[Douglas Mariani]

Church Squirrels

There were five houses of religion in a small town:

The Presbyterian Church,
The Baptist Church,
The Methodist Church ,
The Catholic Church and
The Jewish Synagogue .

Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.

Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since

 

[mrvette]

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs"
:rofl::shocking:

 

[mrvette]

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new
Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you
has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien


Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch
with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno


Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet
and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers,
and threats to society. The other is for housing
prisoners.
--David Letterman


Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat
in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink,
who would be saved first?
A: America !
--Jimmy Fallon


Q: What's the difference between Obama
and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
--Jimmy Kimmel


Q: What was the most positive result of the
"Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers
off the road.
--David Letterman

 

[mrvette]

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in
the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them
around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to
have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.

She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his
arms and opened his mouth. " No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this
reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of
complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,"I
have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his
breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.....

After about 20 minutes, the man's doctor came into the room.

"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen
someone having their temperature taken?"



After a pause, the doctor confessed..... "Not with a Daffodil."
island14 is offline Report Post Reply With Quote

 

[1Michel]

A kid ask his mom, "where are we from? " she then explains to him that mankind is a evolution of some apes, with time they stood up and became what we are today...

later the kid ask his dad the same question.

Well dad tell him about Adam and Eve and the whole process..

The kid says, " How come mom says that we evolved from monkeys???"

Dad answered, "Oh that's because she talks about HER side of the familly!"

 

[mrvette]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?",
she asked.

"Hunting Flies",
he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?",
she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,", he replied.




Intrigued, she asked...
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded...
"3 were on a beer can, and
2 were on the phone.”
:ghost:

 

[1Michel]

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting strange. We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he said nothing about it.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was something I had done. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do ...with me, and not to worry about it.

... On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and again he said nothing. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm sure his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.



Husband's Diary:

Vette wouldn't start, can't figure it out

 

[Bullshark]

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

 

[mrvette]

A Joke with a moral...
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with queenly large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.

He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.





One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the

Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.



Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.



The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.



The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their

chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by both the King and Queen as a hero.



Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.



The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick . . .



The moral of the story --

Pay your fu@!#n' bills. :shocking::bomb:

 

[mrvette]

Hell is just a phone call away! (joke)
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.
The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies, " Since Obama took over , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

 

[mrvette]

The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Scotland. One
day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his
congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.

The Reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub &
sat down next to the woman.

"Miss MacDonald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my
congregation. Why don't you let me take you home."

"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Miss MacDonald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back &
forth. The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink & grabbed her
arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance & tumbled to the
floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of
Miss MacDonald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over & said, "Oy mate, we won't have any of that
carrying on in this pub."

The Reverend looked up at the landlord & said, "But you don't
understand, I'm Pastor Fluff."

The landlord nodded & said, "Ah well, if you're that far in, ye might as
well finish."

 

[TimAT]

Government Authority

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this ******* badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?.... do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your ******* BADGE!!"

 

[mrvette]

Off another vette forum....

Speaking of electric fences...
(This one is for you, MrPeabody)

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6hp big wheel push mower. The electric fence hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences… but Dad always had those pieces of {inappropriate language} chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the perma-damp Ark-La-Tex River bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Dang!' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am - in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day… he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a {inappropriate language} now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???)...

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things... I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

 

[mrvette]

http://www.wimp.com/roadblockprank/

 

[mrvette]

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:




"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

 

[SuperBuickGuy]

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:




"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

this is what happens to people who watch too much Happy Feet.

yet, you had me going lol

 

[JPhil]

There are a lot of Somalians in my town now, mostly working at the big meat packing plant. The other day in the store several were in front of me in line just yakking away in Somali. I couldn't help myself--I blurted out, "You live in America now! Speak Spanish!!"

 

[Beagle 1]

I asked the wife to buy me a new deordorant next time she went shopping, because the current one is getting low.
I normally use a roll on, but she mistakenly bought me a dry rub on of the same brand. Looks simular, and not wanting to give her a hard time, i gave it a try.
Directions say to remove the top and push up the bottom.
I now walk a little funny, but my farts now smell like a summer breeze.