VegasJen
Formerly Known as Clutchdust
I thought about putting this in 'introductions' but I figure most of you already know me. Or at least know the me that I've allowed you to know. For those of you that don't, I have been a member here almost since the beginning. I know most of you from the old CF days. I have been a member over there for more than 11 years.
I have a confession to make. This is my first foray into coming out publicly. You see, something I've known since I was very young but never had the courage to admit is that I am transgender. I've believed ever since I was very small that I was supposed to be a female. This is something that I have suppressed my whole life. I have tried to rationalize, compartmentalize and deny for as long as I can remember. I have dealt with it through a strategy of denial and distraction. I convinced myself that I was pretty normal. I believed other guys often fantasized about being female. While I still believe that's somewhat true, the reality is that I dreamed of being female petty much my whole life. Every day.
I'm sure this is hard for a lot of you to understand. It's hard for me to understand, much less explain. Even now I don't understand why I feel this way, and have felt this way my whole life. Sadly, it's often considered to be a mental disorder (currently called "gender dysphoria", or Gender Identity Disorder) but most of us that identify as transgender feel it's a physical defect. It's the only mental disorder that's treated medically.
As in my case, after decades of denying this, I finally accepted it and decided to take the steps needed to make my body in line with my mind. For the last few months I have been undergoing electrolysis to remove facial hair and today I am excited to report that I have actually started hormone therapy. My plans are to begin what's called the "Real Life Experience" late spring/early summer. In the RLE, I will live full time as a woman. Also this year I am changing my legal name and gender marker to reflect my female identity. I am hopeful that I can afford the expense of GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery, known generally, but despised in the transgender community as a "sex change operation") by the end of next year.
I think that's a good start. Since this is an open forum I am willing to answer any questions any of you may have, either publicly or through private message, just so long as it's all kept respectful. I have little doubt that this community as a whole will be open and accepting of me, although I know for certain there are one or two of you that will never be able to accept it. I also want to remain a member of this community since I am still the same person inside, it's just the outside I want to change.
I have a confession to make. This is my first foray into coming out publicly. You see, something I've known since I was very young but never had the courage to admit is that I am transgender. I've believed ever since I was very small that I was supposed to be a female. This is something that I have suppressed my whole life. I have tried to rationalize, compartmentalize and deny for as long as I can remember. I have dealt with it through a strategy of denial and distraction. I convinced myself that I was pretty normal. I believed other guys often fantasized about being female. While I still believe that's somewhat true, the reality is that I dreamed of being female petty much my whole life. Every day.
I'm sure this is hard for a lot of you to understand. It's hard for me to understand, much less explain. Even now I don't understand why I feel this way, and have felt this way my whole life. Sadly, it's often considered to be a mental disorder (currently called "gender dysphoria", or Gender Identity Disorder) but most of us that identify as transgender feel it's a physical defect. It's the only mental disorder that's treated medically.
As in my case, after decades of denying this, I finally accepted it and decided to take the steps needed to make my body in line with my mind. For the last few months I have been undergoing electrolysis to remove facial hair and today I am excited to report that I have actually started hormone therapy. My plans are to begin what's called the "Real Life Experience" late spring/early summer. In the RLE, I will live full time as a woman. Also this year I am changing my legal name and gender marker to reflect my female identity. I am hopeful that I can afford the expense of GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery, known generally, but despised in the transgender community as a "sex change operation") by the end of next year.
I think that's a good start. Since this is an open forum I am willing to answer any questions any of you may have, either publicly or through private message, just so long as it's all kept respectful. I have little doubt that this community as a whole will be open and accepting of me, although I know for certain there are one or two of you that will never be able to accept it. I also want to remain a member of this community since I am still the same person inside, it's just the outside I want to change.
