About to make that last visit to the vet. Again.

C

clutchdust

Millionaire Playboy
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In transition
This will be the third dog in just over a year. It will be the last dog we've had since we got together.
I had Rock and she had a Mastiff and a pound dog when I met Mrs Dust.
I was hoping she would make it to her 13th birthday, which would be this Thanksgiving, but that's not going to happen.
Several months back we took her in to get shots and somebody noticed a growth on her tongue. Back in May I took her in to see our regular vet and she already had a growth on her right leg that wasn't there just a month or two before. That tumor grew so rapidly that it is literally astonishing. Here's a pic of what it looked like just a week or two back.
SS850322_zpseada8ee9.jpg
Believe me, it's even worse today than in that picture.
I took her back to the vet just yesterday and he said the time was close. I thought she might make it to the end of the month, but at the vet we agreed it may be within the next two to three weeks. Tonight, I don't think she'll make it to Friday.
The tumor has almost completely consumed the leg. It doesn't appear to hurt, but it has blocked the return blood flow, hence the swelling. The tumor is so pervasive, there are nodules I can feel all the way from her foot all the way up into her chest. There is evidence that it's deeper too. Aside from the growth already noted on the tongue, she has had labored breathing for a couple months and now her right eye is, well, the only way I can describe it is that it's "weird."
I was hoping to make it just a couple weeks but it's progressing so rapidly I may take her in Tuesday.
Just damn.
 
I am sorry that you have to face this. It is the hardest thing to deal with. I have been there a couple of times and I swear I never want to have to make that decision again but in my heart I know that I will.
She has been your good friend and companion, you have been hers. Take comfort in the knowledge that you gave her the best possible time here on earth and that you will be together again some day... She will always watch over you and Mrs. Dust.

Lee
 
Oh, man, I understand......
They don't show the pain, but they feel it and they know......

Is there an "at home service" you can call? Somebody who makes house calls, so she can go peacefully in the familiar comfort of her home surrounded by all who love her?

When I let Big Ace go last year, I believe--no, I know he appreciated going to sleep laying on his rug on the back porch with both kitties & me there with him. I think it helped the kitties understand where he went too.

It's hard, so hard.
 
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CD,

JPhil said what I wanted to. I get real attached to my big Shepherds even though I know what's coming. My old girl is 14 now and I marvel each day how she soldiers on. I will spare her any pain when the time comes. Our Gentle Giant Igor was put down under the tree he loved in the front yard. Chokes me up still after all these years. My Working dog Max was struck down suddenly and died on the way to the emergency place on Charleston. I was gutted and still don't go to that corner of the yard.

Thing is, you've got friends that understand and comprehend. You did just right by sharing it here so the pain may be spread around a little.

You'll do the right thing at the right time and come out for the next one....Steve
 
DeeVeeEight said:
I am sorry that you have to face this. It is the hardest thing to deal with. I have been there a couple of times and I swear I never want to have to make that decision again but in my heart I know that I will.
She has been your good friend and companion, you have been hers. Take comfort in the knowledge that you gave her the best possible time here on earth and that you will be together again some day... She will always watch over you and Mrs. Dust.

Lee
Click to expand...
Lee, I appreciate it. But the truth is, that's not the truth. I could have been much better to her. I don't think I ever abused her, but I do feel I neglected her. Not in the means of food and shelter, but there were times when she came to me wanting attention, just a loving pat on the head, and I turned her away. Too busy, or so I thought. I wish I had those moments back now. I look at her now, quite literally laying on the kitchen floor dying, and I feel like an unmitigated asshole.

JPhil said:
Oh, man, I understand......
They don't show the pain, but they feel it and they know......

Is there an "at home service" you can call? Somebody who makes house calls, so she can go peacefully in the familiar comfort of her home surrounded by all who love her?

When I let Big Ace go last year, I believe--no, I know he appreciated going to sleep laying on his rug on the back porch with both kitties & me there with him. I think it helped the kitties understand where he went too.

It's hard, so hard.
Click to expand...
I know there is a service that does that here. But for us, at this time, it's prohibitively expensive. I got quotes on it last year for our mastiff and it was in the $300 range.
I hate that it's about money, but sadly, sometimes it is. It may not be her familiar place but we will bring her pillow and be with her to the end.
Shit. Now I'm getting all weepy. Damn.
 
clutchdust said:
DeeVeeEight said:
I am sorry that you have to face this. It is the hardest thing to deal with. I have been there a couple of times and I swear I never want to have to make that decision again but in my heart I know that I will.
She has been your good friend and companion, you have been hers. Take comfort in the knowledge that you gave her the best possible time here on earth and that you will be together again some day... She will always watch over you and Mrs. Dust.

Lee[/quote]Lee, I appreciate it. But the truth is, that's not the truth. I could have been much better to her. I don't think I ever abused her, but I do feel I neglected her. Not in the means of food and shelter, but there were times when she came to me wanting attention, just a loving pat on the head, and I turned her away. Too busy, or so I thought. I wish I had those moments back now. I look at her now, quite literally laying on the kitchen floor dying, and I feel like an unmitigated asshole.

JPhil said:
Oh, man, I understand......
They don't show the pain, but they feel it and they know......

Is there an "at home service" you can call? Somebody who makes house calls, so she can go peacefully in the familiar comfort of her home surrounded by all who love her?

When I let Big Ace go last year, I believe--no, I know he appreciated going to sleep laying on his rug on the back porch with both kitties & me there with him. I think it helped the kitties understand where he went too.

It's hard, so hard.
Click to expand...
I know there is a service that does that here. But for us, at this time, it's prohibitively expensive. I got quotes on it last year for our mastiff and it was in the $300 range.
I hate that it's about money, but sadly, sometimes it is. It may not be her familiar place but we will bring her pillow and be with her to the end.
Shit. Now I'm getting all weepy. Damn.
Click to expand...


I understand. 13 years ago I lost my wife to cancer. We agreed to keep her at home until the end. I was working my ass off at being self employed, at being a father to my 9 yr. old daughter and at being a full time hospice nurse/care giver. I have many regrets. I wish I sat by her side more. I wish I talked to her more while she was comatose. I wish I had given her more comfort and better medical care but I was so overwhelmed with everything, I was literally out of my mind and just doing the best I could. I would have should have could have done so much more.... 13 years and I still wish I had done things differently. Same with my Dad, I lost him about 4 yrs. ago.
The truth is that there is no right or wrong. We do the best we can day to day. Our loved ones know this, understand and love us anyway. Your Rock would not have had it any other way. She chose you just as much as you chose her.
Click to expand...
 
clutchdust said:
... I wish I had those moments back now. I look at her now, quite literally laying on the kitchen floor dying, and I feel like an unmitigated asshole.
Click to expand...
I hear you Gary, I have the same feeling about my dog, she's the most heartbreaking love beggar, and between the job and the vette and all the rest, I know there is less time for her.
But see, dogs don't give a shit about the past or the future, they live in the moment, right here, right now, and all that will count in the end is that you're here, with her until the end.
All that counts are the pats you're giving her now.

My condoleances.
Be brave my friend :friends:


A nice quote I read not long ago : "Be the man your dog thinks you are"
 
OK, is this wrong?

Anybody keeping track of this thread knows what's going on. The dog probably won't make it through September. I was worried she wouldn't make it through the weekend but she's doing noticeably better today. I don't know if it was just some kind of funk over the weekend, or the calm before the storm. Either way, the prognosis is still shit.

So, in light of that, I figure why not spoil her while she's still around. She's dying anyway so I want her to feel as good while she's here as she can. In addition to the sedatives I give her to help her sleep at night, tonight I started mixing a little beer in with her food. For the last month or so I've been mixing in a half can of wet food in with her dry to soften it up and make it more tasty. I figured the beer will moisten it up too, plus the added benefit of relaxing her a little. She still gets the wet food mixed in too.

In the end, I really don't care who thinks it's wrong. I can count the time she has on fingers, if I'm lucky, toes too. She's about to get really spoiled.
 
In Mr Ace's last couple months, he got bacon grease dribbled on his food, even pieces of bacon, lots of cheese, apples, table scraps, all the stuff & snacks he loved to eat. He knew better than to beg, so I "accidently" dropped a lot of food on the floor and dressed up his dog food a lot.The doctor said, "Why not? What's it gonna do, kill him? If it makes him happy, that is good for him. Give him anything he wants." He never liked beer, it made him sneeze.
He didn't like the painkillers: even mixed with goodies he would spit them out.
We went for short walks often, he couldn't go far but he loved to get out.

Nothing is 'wrong' at this point if it makes her (& you) feel better.
 
***UPDATE***
She has her final appointment with the vet in the morning. She had steak and beer for dinner tonight.
After her last vet visit, she had a really rough weekend. I thought she had already tanked but she made a surprising recovery that Sunday night. For the next week plus she did pretty well and I wanted to keep her around as long as I didn't believe she was in any pain, or at least there was something positive in her life.
She started nosediving earlier this week and last night something caught my eyes when I looked at her. I took a flashlight and could see that in her left eye she had multiple visible tumors inside her eye.
Mrs Bauer had the day off and when I got home told me that she had been in the same place the entire day.
Over the last couple weeks I have relied on Mrs Bauer to be more impartial than me. The one thing I will not do is prolong the dog's suffering because I am not ready to let her go. In this case, I may not be able to be impartial so I'm really using her to keep me from seeing what I want to see instead of reality. I've been waffling on the issue for the last couple days but the visible tumors in her eye, lethargy and Mrs Bauer's opinion have made up my mind.
As all dogs do, she has some issues/habits that have been irritating at times, but overall she's been a really good dog. I'd like to think I've come to terms with it and that will make it easier tomorrow, but I know better.
 
I cried like a baby.

Faithful to the end. She was always very protective of me. Whenever we were around unfamiliar people she always put herself between me and the other person/people, facing out prepared to take action. Today was no different. As we sat in the room, she sat facing me and I pet her face. When the vet walked in, she did her duty and immediately faced him. We had to turn her back around so he could give her the relaxing shot in her rump but she resisted. It was the hardest thing ever for me to tell her it was my turn to look out for her.
The relaxing shot took effect very quickly, two or three minutes. She laid at my feet and I pet her face. And cried. A few minutes later the vet and his assistant came in and lifted my near-lifeless dog onto a table. Her eyes still moved and she was still breathing erratically. She looked at me and I pet her. He shaved a bare spot on her leg and gave her the injection. My dog, this animal that would protect me with her life, this dog that's been with me almost a quarter of my life, made a small groan, then a sigh, and then she left me.
It was just that fast.
The getting over it won't be.
 
Sorry man, tears for you and family....

Wife brought a Chiwawa into our marriage some 12.5 years ago,....dawg was older and passed on maybe 7? years ago.....

she was all tears and so we went through a similar thing in the vet office....

and so it was about this time of year, and so I asked her daughter what she wanted for Xmas...

so we have this guard dawg.....about 12 lbs.....black Chiwawa, combo of a Teacup and some other small breed.....

but the dawg is fed under the table....so is about 3 lbs too heavy.....


and every time I lean over Linda for a smootch, the damn dawg barks at me.....and I paid 200 bux for the aggravation.....go figger....


:nuts:
 
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